What are you supposed to do when you need a trigger that checks for a certain :NEW value and then selects some data and calls a procedure if you can’t check for :NEW values in statement triggers and a row trigger makes the table mutating?

I have a solution, but it’s cumbersome. I really need this done by tomorrow morning. Pft. And Fame Factory is on at half past eight. I think I’ll bring the laptop home and write triggers while watching Fame Factory.

Voice in my head: Elton John and George Michael – Don’t Let the Sun go down on Me

…of all things, football. The Norway-Luxembourg game. That’s what you get for having fathers around. Actually, to say I’ve been watching is a bit of an exaggeration, I spent most of it with my nose buried in a book, but apart from that, I must have been one of the very few people in Norway (one of the very few people anywhere, come to think of it, Luxembourg having what, 400 000 inhabitants or thereabouts?) rooting for Luxembourg. Unfortunately, though the Norwegians made a mess of it they still won.

Pity.

Voice in my head: Whitesnake – Here I go Again

Nettavisen have done their annual “Norway’s Sexiest” and published the results for males today. Pathetic, that’s what. Ok, so I can see the points in favour of one or two of them (Jon Almaas is cute and funny, at least, not sure I’d call him sexy, though), but for the rest? Pathetic.

Some of them I don’t even know. It all comes of watching BBC Prime instead of the Norwegian channels. And why have they chosen to “print” pictures where you can’t actually see the person properly, I wonder? Now, who, for example, is Christer Falck?

And what does he actually look like? I’ll admit to his eyes being lovely, but is that enough?

Pathetic.

Sexy? This is sexy:

Or this:

Or, considering Nettavisen really needed to find Norwegians for their list:

Voice in my head: Rod Stewart – Do ya think I’m sexy (oh, please, someone, turn him off!)

This is one of those days. I’m feeling a lot less shitty after a somewhat longer night of sleep than before, but I’m still tired.

And’ I’ve done absolutely nothing today. At least, that’s what it feels like. I know, rationally, that it is a lie, because I have done some things. For example I have changed the tag for a field in one of our forms (it asked “Can the candidate hold his breath for 45 minutes?”, we figured that the “minutes” bit might just possibly have been a typo). And some other things. I have certainly done a lot less than I ideally should have, but I have done things. It just doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I’ve stared dumbly at the screen for most of the day, rather than for a few seconds (or possibly minutes) every time someone distracted me.

However, the day is about to get better. My father’s in town, so, naturally, we’re meeting at The Dubliner in an hour and a bit. That is a very cheering thought. Now let’s see if I can manage to do something constructive (like actually fix a bug or two) before I pack up. Doubtful, but I will have a go.

Voice in my head: Chris Rea – Auberge (the accompanying video happens to be one of my all-time favourites – I don’t know much of the song, though: “Speak up, Chris – I can’t hear you on the verses…”)

If I’m actually coming down with something rather than just being generally out of sorts because of lack of sleep, going out in the rain and wind and getting soaked through may, in retrospect, not have been the best idea ever. It felt good, though. Why this hang to get soaked by cold rain every now and again, I wonder?

Voice in my head: Jo Nesbø (Di Derre) – Kråka på taket

Urk. I feel ill. Actually, I feel hungover, which is hardly reasonable, as I have, in that case, been hungover since Sunday morning. It might just be that I’m tired, but that thought does not make me feel any better.

I want to go outside. It’s nice and rainy and windy out, and I could do with some rough weather. In fact, I think I’ll go home.

Discussing the Prime Minister’s promise to abolish bullying, my two team-mates first suggested one of them should contact him and complain about being bullied by the other, but then decided it would be much more interesting to show up together and ask what to do about their bullying of each other. I’d feel sorry for him if I could.

Oh, and via Vaughan, something truly terrible.

Voice in my head: Shania Twain – Whatever you do! Don’t! (which is a stupid title)

The April Fool version (being a lot more fun).

1. The Bogey-Man or Henry Kissinger?
Kissinger, any time.

2. Whips ‘n chains or soft ropes with furbound cuffs?
Uhm. That would depend. Am I supposed to wear them or wield them?

3. Fish sticks or Amazon.com?
Amazon.com, or, even better, amazon.co.uk

4. Whitewall tires or color TV?
Whitewall tires are cool. You need a car to go with them, though.

5. Leather or lace?
Leather, by all means.

6. Abraham Lincoln or leftover turkey?
Ach. Old Abe. I don’t like turkey much.

7. Movable Type or Star Trek?
Movable Type. I LOVE Movable Type.

8. Happy Happy Joy Joy or Bounce Bounce Bounce like Tigger?
BBBlT, of course. The wonderful thing about Tiggers, and so on.

9. The Michelin Man or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man?
Mmm. Marshmallow.

10. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: If you HAD to marry one of the talking M&M’s in the TV commercials, would it be the red one or the yellow one? Why?
The yellow one. The red one’s too agressive. You might argue that the yellow one seems kind of stupid, and you’d be right, but in a husband I think I’d prefer a little stupidity over agressiveness. And if you were stuck on a desert island, there’d be more food in the yellow one.

Watch yourself with the questions…

1. Tag or hide & go seek?
Tag.

2. Hopscotch or wiffle-ball?
Hopscotch.

3. Chutes & Ladders or Candyland?
Dunno. What’s Candyland?

4. Chess or checkers?
Chess (I’m terrible at it, though).

5. Parcheesi or backgammon?
Backgammon…

6. Twister or Yahtzee?
I love Yahtzee, but Twister looks like fun (I’ve never tried it).

7. Trivial Pursuit or Scrabble?
Trivial Pursuit, without a doubt.

8. Monopoly or The Game of Life?
Game of what? Monopoly is good, though longwinded.

9. Go Fish or Gin Rummy?
Haven’t a clue.

10. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: You have a young child (or just babysit one), who is about 6-7 years old, and you like to play various games with him/her. Do you: let the child win sometimes to help improve his/her self-esteem, or play normally, in order to teach the child that we can’t always win in life?
I might let the child win if it were possible to do so without being detected (children are not stupid) – I’m too competitive to do so happily, though. More likely I’d try to pick games that were more a matter of chance, making it likely that the child would win in any case.

Playing TP via web forum when it’s “first correct answer gets the pie” is tiring work, especially on a slow connection. Need sleep now.

Voice on the stereo: Bjørn Eidsvag – Teddybjørnen