I have been alerted to the news that Jeffrey Archer will spend four years (no doubt minus some for good behaviour) in jail. When he was first arrested I had a moment of “be careful what you wish for, it may come true” paranoia, as I had recently been advocating locking him up to prevent him from spending his time on politics and force him to write some more novels instead. On reflection, I am not sorry it did “come true”, as I would still like him to write more novels and I still don’t like his politics (and certainly don’t like his way of winning libel trials). His novels make “ripping good yarns”, and I think that is reason enough to be suspicious of his sincerity as a politician. Someone who lies so convincingly in print as Lord Archer should definitely not be allowed to stand for election. I remember feeling the need to check the facts of history when reading Shall We Tell the President – Teddy Kennedy was never President, or was he? And snapping out of fiction and back to the (so-called) real world was equally difficult with First Among Equals. I am certainly glad I did not read that book the semester I had my “British Civilization” exam at University, it would have messed up my paper no end.
From Vaughan Simons I also followed the link to this rather weird personality test site – basically you pick the colours that make you feel good and they give you an analysis based on that. I’m sure it’s all very scientific and based on millenia ofresearch, but it seems a bit haphazard to me. Anyway, here are my results, in case anyone gets curious (my comments in italics):
Your Existing Situation
Sensitive; needs esthetic surroundings (what are considered esthetic surroundings? I need to know so I can find some), or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm intimacy. That’d be nice.
Your Stress Sources
The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. I certainly seem to cry at the oddest things these days. People being unfriendly is the least of my problems. I read the headline for an ad for Tuppen og Lillemor Klubben yesterday and started humming Tuppen og Lillemor (old and twee Norwegian children’s song about two best friends who quarrel and then make up) and actually got tears in my eyes when I got to the making up again part. Sheesh.
Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision. Not quite sure about this, it’s either eerily accurate or wide off the bat depending on which way I apply it.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels listless, hemmed in, and anxious; considers that circumstances are forcing her to restrain her desires very accurate if we consider my “desires” to be wanting to spend all my time reading and drinking cider, which is true, but unrealistic as an expectation.
Wants to avoid open conflict with others and to have peace and quiet. Well, I don’t like conflict. Open or not.
Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity. That’d be nice, too, though I would like to know how that titilating tidbit was deduced from my colour choices. Haven’t had a lot of chance to prove this point either way lately. Ooops, did I say that out loud?
Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being. Like staying at home all day reading, yes.
Your Desired Objective
Hopes that ties of affection and good-fellowship will bring release and contentment. Her own need for approval makes her ready to be of help to others and in exchange she wants warmth and understanding. Open to new ideas and possibilities which she hopes will prove fruitful and interesting. Reasonably recognisable, I guess.
Your Actual Problem Oh, good, I have an identifiable “actual problem”
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. Well, I wouldn’t know, would I?
She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. This diary may be considered a proof of that, I suppose – otherwise I’d say that wasn’t particularly accurate, as I’ve got a lot of practice ignoring other people’s opinion.
Inclined to blame others so that she may shift the blame from herself. Handy. I hope I don’t actually do that.
Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires. What? Examples, please. Especially of the “compulsive inhibitions”. Does “I want chocolate NOW” count as a “compulsive desire”? Identifiable may be good, but what do I do about it if I don’t even understand it?
(End of results…)
Now, I very rarely resist the temptation to take tests like these at least twice, preferably varying my answers to the point of contradiction, just to see whether it makes a difference to accuracy. The second time I took this one I had: “Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things she wants.” as my #2 Actual Problem. And the third time I was told that: “Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced considerable stress. She reacts by putting this down to a total lack of understanding on the part of others, and by adopting a scornful and defiant attitude.” In fact, this is NOT a test I would suggest you take if you’re feeling down in the dumps. If you weren’t depressed when you started, you certainly will be once you’ve read the results. Despite trying basically the opposite colour sequence of my first choice and also one more of a mish-mash, every result I got was equally gloomy, something Vaughan also commented on. The only sensible conclusion is that one or more of the following must apply to the people who designed the test:
– have an extremely negative picture of mankind
– be very depressed and want everyone else to be equally depressed
– run an obscenely expensive therapy programme
They are also, clearly, gramatically or narratorily (is that a word or did I just coin it?) challenged, as they ask for your sex at the start only in order (seemingly) to use he/his or she/her correctly in the results, and then use you/your in the headlines, the combination just looks stupid, really. Or maybe it’s just another ploy to make force you into therapy, reading about myself in the third person certainly makes me feel a bit as if I’m already lying on the couch listening to two psychologists discussing my case.
Music in my head: Don’t Worry, Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin – desperate attempt at cheering myself up)