Category: Little Voices archive entries

This or that…

1. Sexier (female)…Pamela Anderson or Jennifer Garner?
Pass. (Though I have to say this: I have serious problems understanding how anyone could find Pamela Anderson sexy.)

2. Sexier (male)…Ben Affleck or Matt Damon?
Uhm. Pass? Neither of them are very sexy. Sorry.

3. The better piano player…Billy Joel or Elton John?
Ach. I’d have to say, uhm, Elton. No, wait, Billy. No. Wait.

4. Funnier…David Letterman or Craig Kilborn?
David Letterman

5. The dumber cartoon cat…Stimpy (of *Ren & Stimpy*) or Tom (of *Tom & Jerry*)?
Well, Tom’s no Einstein, but Stimpy does not have a single braincell between him. No, wait, that’s not right. Whatever. Stimpy.

6. A better news anchor…Tom Brokaw or Dan Rather?
7. A better TV chef…Emeril Lagasse or Jacques Pepin?
Passing on these two as I have no idea who these people are. Are these US-specific questions or what?

8. The trashier talk show host…Maury Povich or Jerry Springer?
Uhm. Well, Jerry makes his show up, so that’s not really trashy, is it?

9. The worse fast food burger joint…McDonald’s or Burger King?
McDonald’s.

10. Thought-provoking question of the week: Only a handful of U.S. Presidents have been considered to be *great* Of the following two, which one do you consider to be greater…Franklin D. Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln? Why?
FDR, though that might be slightly unfair on old Abe whom I know very little about. Anyhow FDR did an impressive job of keeping the American people working together through some pretty tough times.

Voice on the stereo: Betty Everett – It’s in his Kiss

Well, yes, the war in Irak, but one a more trivial plane now… I’ve just been amusing myself with checking out the astrologist Jonathan Cainer’s website. It’s rather unhelpful in that he seems to assume you know the dates for all the signs of the zodiak. Well, I know most of them, but there are a few months where I get mixed up, so I need a little prompting. I was looking, naturally, at compatibility, which is why I needed help with the dates. I do know what my own sign is, thank you very much. Anyway, this is what I found out about me, as a service to y’all:

If you want to woo, win and, most crucially of all, hold on to a fire sign companion, nurture an air of mystery. Introduce a little uncertainty into the equation. Be a bit of a tease, though only a ‘bit’ of one. Fire sign people love being stirred up but they hate being wound up. They like illusion but not deception. They can’t get enough honesty but they soon tire of total transparency.

Which is pretty accurate. I’m not going to quote anything about him, that would be giving things away to a ridiculous degree.

Yes, I know, I told you I have more or less decided that friendship’s all there is to it (which is still good). Did you actually think that would mean I would stop obsessing?

Whatever. What I was going to say was that though that characterisation of me (and most of the other stuff about me) was quite accurate (in fact, I’m a pretty typical Aries), the whole “Astro Love Computer” (as I said: Horrible, horrible) thing is a bit daft, as if you read more than one of the assessments you realise that JC does not, in fact, say anything negative about the prospects of any relationship whatever. But then, what did I excpect?

I don’t actually believe in astrology anyway.

On the subject of horrible, by the way, I just had to turn Parky off because Celine Dion came on. I mean, what? And on VH-1 they keep playing I Drove All Night, as sung by Celine Dion. Shudder. Are they trying to make me sick or what?

Before Celine The Terrible, though, Ian Hislop was on, and lord how I laugh. Why, oh why can’t BBC Prime show Have I Got News For You??? Anyway, Parky asked Hislop whether angry men mellow with age, and Hislop, deadpan, answers “Oh, yes. I’ve been thinking I want to edit Hello!, now.” And all three men (Hislop, Parky and Nigel Whasisname) guffaw like anything. So did I, in fact.

Voice on the stereo: Bruce Willis – Under the Boardwalk

We rented A Walk to Remember Saturday evening. Talk about misleading advertising!

What we wanted to see was a chickflick, they lived happily ever after sort of thing, but one neither of us had seen before and one that looked like it wasn’t completely daft. We figured AWtR was probably a bit of a teen-movie thing, but as we’re both really only 13 years old, we figured it was worth a try.

Why don’t these movies come with a warning sticker? F%# the “Parental guidance” stuff, what you need is labels that say “WARNING: This film does NOT end well! Keep tissues handy! Do not watch if not prepared for a good sniffle!”

Mumble %?# mumble &%#?#? mumble.

Voice in my head: Queen – Crazy little thing called love

Ooh, I forgot:

Yesterday when we were buying cider at Systembolaget I was asked for id. It’s been so long that the lady had to ask three times before I understood what she was after. ID? You mean I look like I’m not yet 20?

Ok, so when Linda and I, Friday evening, discussed what age I might possibly claim to be come thursday we agreed that 14 was probably as far as I should stretch. However, I didn’t actually think that it was visible as such.

Crikey. The last time someone asked me for id was at TGI Fridays in Swindon a couple of years ago, and at that point I assumed it was because I was in the company of Bethan, who they refused to believe was over 21 as she’d left her id at the hotel (Lloyd: “I’m her manager. She’s got a degree. She has to be more than 21.”), and that they just figured it was easier asking us both than differentiating.

So. That gave us something to laugh about yesterday.

Voice in my head: Vonda Shepard – I Only want to be with You

Today Linda and I have been blown about in Arvika. It was just incredibly windy. Apparently, some houses up by Torsby lost their roofs. And I still suspect I’m on the verge of a cold or something, after the walk in the wind my throat hurt (some Strongbow has temporarily fixed that).

Last night we went to “Restaurangen” and enjoyed some capital blues. Funnily, a local band, The Back Wood Band (which is a really cool name, I just hope the pun is intended…) played a sort of warm-up to some band from Texas, but the local band was just WAY better. They had proper drive and a beat that made it impossible not to tap your foot and let your shoulders and hips and whatever else was movable follow the rhythm. The Texans on the other hand, were, you know, simply boring. They didn’t play badly at all, there was just not much spirit it it. So, if you’re near Arvika or The Back Wood Band come to a place near you, go see (listen). If you’re in Texas… no, lets not go there.

Oh, and on the train over here I got that trigger working. Yay me.

Voice in my head: Bjørn Eidsvåg – Skyfri Himmel

It’s catching.

Boys are … strange creatures. On the other hand, so are women. Sometimes it’d be nice to know what I want before I try to get it. It’s very hard to discuss with someone the “what do I want?” bullshit that I tend to feel the need to discuss when I don’t actually know what I want. It’s rather tricky to be tired of being single, but at the same time entirely too picky…

Maybe I should try to have a meaningful relationship with my vibrator. We get along great and we’ve got a great sexual relationship… but there’s just no communication…

Er, right.

What’s up?

How come people keep doing this to me.

How come I keep being so picky? Now there’s a good question for you.

Voice on the stereo: Doris Day – When I Fall in Love

1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
Not counting the seriously temporary and short-term ones (such as a month in a hotel in The Gambia while we were looking for a house, two months at my parents’ in between properly living in Trondheim and moving to the UK), I count 16.

2. Which was your favorite and why?
I like where I live now. It’s mine.

3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
Stressful, yes, but more exciting. New places, new faces, new chances to decorate and rearrange furniture to get it just right.

4. What’s more important, location or price?
Location, though price is obviously an issue (and a big one).

5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?
Library! And a sea view. Other than that: Big kitchen and somewhere to sit outside (and/or a conservatory) would be nice.

Voice in my head: Avril Lavigne – Nobody’s Fool

What are you supposed to do when you need a trigger that checks for a certain :NEW value and then selects some data and calls a procedure if you can’t check for :NEW values in statement triggers and a row trigger makes the table mutating?

I have a solution, but it’s cumbersome. I really need this done by tomorrow morning. Pft. And Fame Factory is on at half past eight. I think I’ll bring the laptop home and write triggers while watching Fame Factory.

Voice in my head: Elton John and George Michael – Don’t Let the Sun go down on Me

…of all things, football. The Norway-Luxembourg game. That’s what you get for having fathers around. Actually, to say I’ve been watching is a bit of an exaggeration, I spent most of it with my nose buried in a book, but apart from that, I must have been one of the very few people in Norway (one of the very few people anywhere, come to think of it, Luxembourg having what, 400 000 inhabitants or thereabouts?) rooting for Luxembourg. Unfortunately, though the Norwegians made a mess of it they still won.

Pity.

Voice in my head: Whitesnake – Here I go Again